I don't wanna fly my sleigh tonight,
Santa's way too old for this shit, the kids dont believe anymore,
These chimneys aint too wide, stuck again on this rooftop,
and Mrs. Clause is cheatin on me with Rudolph,

And the cookies you left out for me,
are goin stale by the Christmas Tree,
Santa aint comin round this year,
And I know it'll break your greedy heart,
When Santa dont bring you Mario Kart,
No Goldeneye this year, Santa aint comin here

Theres nothin on the stove,
Old Saint Nicks gone broke,
These welfare cheques aint cuttin it no more
These elves are getting slow,
Theres no more work, at the North Pole,
No doll for Suzie no drum for little Joe,

Christmas aint what it used to be,
All the toys youve seen on the TV Screen,
You aint gettin a single one from me
Santa knows how good youve been,
I know about every little sin,
You aint makin the good list, so dont ask why Santas pissed

I dont wanna put on my red suit this year,
I just wanna kick off my black boots and drink beer